celebrating

today is my one day off of working out this week, not because i don't want to, but because I woke up at almost 3pm, have work at 5, and also don't have a working phone.
Also i had steak and shake last night-845 calories, so all I could eat today was soup and water.
Now i have 55 calories left for the day...
aka nothing.

So no more eating and no more working out, I doubt I'll be hungry anyways
and at least i'm not hungover :)

overall

last night i lost 2 pounds of sweat by doing step aerobics!
but it was super fun, and overall i've lost a total of 17 pounds since january of this year. not super great for six months, but the first few months i just stopped eating like a 300 pound person. i'm about to kick ass the next few weeks, and/or months. so i'll be 140 at least, in like...3 months or so, but then again thats like losing 20 lbs in 3 months, which we'll see.
im just glad i don't necessarily have to rely on other people for this, thats the most important part. i'm doing it on my own.

if every day were like today...

If every day were like today...   You'd weigh 150.5 lbs in 5 weeks


need to make this happen.

thinspo blogs

there's an obvious reason why anorexia and bulimia are considered mental disorders. there's no logic behind being so thin that your bones poke through your skin. and how can you ever enjoy yourself? its honestly sad. i understand they need help because they think that way due to their mental disorder, but its pathetic to want to weigh 80 pounds. realistically, under 100 is gross.

anyways, thats my $.02
and now i should go to bed because i have work tomorrow, except i'm not tired. i know i will be tomorrow, but im not right now. i had to turn in all my library books earlier today, so i dont have anything to read except medical dictionaries, but those are my favorite :)
had a dream about a "rabies" outbreak/epidemic, but it was actually ebola.
apparently, there's an actual ebola outbreak in uganda right now.
i can see the present.

also, im proud that im finally getting my roots done tomorrow, because even if i havent lost ten pounds yet...i will, and my weight loss is a health issue, not a death wish.
besides, i could never give up food, its one of the things i love most, but its a love hate relationship...with mostly love, and then some hate, but then i get over it and walk up mountains.

this is probably the longest post i've ever written on here, but i'm feeling chatty right now, idk why.
hopefully i'll find a new job soon, as in like next week, because school is starting and im so fed up with work.

kittles has accompanied me this evening while i've been thinspo-ing all night, even watched the "thin" documentary with me, which, even though it was released in 2006, their clothes and hair were very late 90s/early 2000s.

im glad that my anxiety has never been so unmanageable that i would had to have gone to rehab...in fact its pretty much disappeared with my medicine.

looking forward to some reese's puff cereal (generic brand) in the morning, because the caloric intake is the same as a bowl of Life cereal. boss.

my picture for this post is my new desktop background, aka my thinspo, but not pro ana or pro "mia" (im not making this up thats an actually tag on tumblr...)

I feel the need to post this

people are evil, but you have to try and love them anyways.

Romans 12: 9-28

"9 Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically. 12 Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. 13 When God's children are in need, be the one to help them out. And get into the habit of inviting guests over for dinner or, if they need lodging, for then night. 14 If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don't try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all! 17 Never payback evil for evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible."

roller coaster of calories

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-lbIfaqm0U

can't keep it up.
helped out my gramz today and it was easy but everyone acted like it was a huge deal, and my selfish uncle just went on a weeks-long cruise but then couldnt find the time to help his broken-armed mother.
no its fine just go to the beach.
anyways.
i wanna go to the beach, but i have to stay here and work, and lose 20 pounds, and work some more, and get rid of absolutely all temptations. i need to resort to buddhism and follow the eightfold path and the four truths-i need to eliminate desire...except thats really hard.
also i think this is my longest post, but its for my own benefit.
tomorrow WILL BE: yogurt and milk for breakfast
salad for lunch with pita bread and cheese stick
jello snack?
fruit smoothie before work

so i'm only minus one vegetable, not too shabs.

also the link counts as my picture for this post.

pilates

https://www.choosemyplate.gov/SuperTracker/default.aspx

that website rules.
and is possibly the inspiration to my losing weight...besides being competitive with non believers and whole pizza eaters, except that was me once.
did pilates and burned all my leg and ab muscles, will be sore tomorrow, taking a bath today.
baby feros is okay and back to normal :) i just hope she doesn't get any infections because i don't know what i would do without her, or without my other love who paid for half of her expensive emergency vet bill.
im so lucky.